I love you. Yes, I deeply do. This I will tell you, from the abyss of my mind and my heart, no matter where you go and however long you may be gone, you will always be the only one. You have always been the one. Nothing and no one can change that. Not even distance. Nor time.
Its been eight years since I've first laid eyes on you. That moment sent shivers throughout my spine. Love at first sight. Not everyone believes in such. Crap. Lie. Illusion. Make-believe stories. Who the hell falls truly, madly, and deeply in love with some person you just saw in one corner? Well, damn them all but I did. God knows I did. I memorized your face that time. I wished to see more of you. I dreamt of you. I didn't need to know you to say that you are a good person. I didn't care if you would ever know me or not. I just had this flood of feelings that I had to spill out. Not to you, but to the open air. It was April of the year 2000.
I didn't want to believe that you would even think of me or more so, reciprocate my feelings. I didn't want to believe it at first. That you, the love of my life, find me pretty. That you crave to see me every hour of the day. That you can't seem to find the words to say whenever you see me and whenever I am near you. That you have fallen for me too the first time you laid your huge eyes on me.
We were too young. I was twelve and you were fifteen. It could have been puppy love or mere crushes. But you showed me in all possible ways that you can, that you were in love with me. I always feel your eyes on me. And yes, I do steal a few glances at you too. Okay, so it wasn't merely a few, but loads of glances. I find you looking at me in even the most awkward places. Your huge brown eyes speak more than your lips. We connected, but all we could do was smile at each other.
Do you remember the time we both attended that birthday party in the neighborhood? We didn't come together but we went there for the sake of seeing one another. People were dancing and there you were, looking sheepishly at me. Then your friend approached me and told me that you wanted to talk to me. I was ecstatic. This would have to be the first time that we would really talk. Alone. It was August already. Unfortunately, you really can't speak up to me. You started fidgeting when I moved close. You perspired. I looked at you and waited for you to say something. You were too shy. I ended up asking you what you wanted to tell me. Well, you didn't have the courage to even answer me. You walked away and went back to your friend.
And well, your friend being a bridge and all, was the one who told me that you wanted to walk me home after the party. I agreed and we walked together. Only a few steps to my home, I finally heard your voice. You apologized for not being able to dance with me. You apologized for not being able to speak up when you called for me. You apologized for smoking in front of me because you knew I detested cigarettes. And you said that you enrolled in school that year because you suddenly had the urge to study again because of me. All I could do was smile and shout for joy silently so you won't know how much all of those things deeply affected me.
Come September, my birthday arrived. My cousin told you about it that very day. All I wanted was for you to greet me but you surprised me. It was eight in the evening, the rain was pouring really hard when you knocked on our door. We were at my grandma's, situated at the side of our house, and everyone of my family was there. You were a bit wet, but you were brave enough to come and give me a gift, a Hello Kitty stuffed toy. I would never forget that night. You were the surprise I've been wishing for all day.
I miss our carnival days. When you would win some junk foods and ask your friends to give it to me, when you would invite me to the carnival rides, when we would spend the evening with my cousin and your friends, and when you would walk me home. All that happened on the month of February. Valentine's day was just as memorable. I never expected anything from you for I knew that you have no money. But come nighttime, you knocked on our door and gave me a gift, a Hello Kitty bath towel. Your efforts were enough to make me fall deeper. I loved you more. Yes, I did, I still do.
You were the one thing that made my summer vacation very enjoyable. We played volleyball, we picked up vegetables, we watched TV in our house with all my relatives, we spent every possible time we can, close to each other. So far, we have never talked about love and relationships.
One day, you did something that I would forever hold dear in my heart. You made a really huge kite. And on that kite, you engraved our initials, with a heart in the middle. Whenever you would fly it, everyone would tease you and I was the one who would feel embarrassed by it.
The time came when you had the courage to speak up your feelings. It has been more than a year. It was in the month of May when you asked me to be your girlfriend. Well, it wasn't as smooth as you practiced because as always, you had a very difficult time speaking with me. But yes, you were able to deliver your lines and the very first thing I replied was a simple "I don't know". Gahd, I was thirteen and you were sixteen. What the hell was going on? You kept on asking and finally, I said yes. I was feeling pure joy. I loved you. That time, my heart was going to burst. I thought it was going to be forever. But nothing really lasts. We didn't even last a month.
There was no closure. I still wished to see you. I still loved you. Fate was not on our side. We didn't do anything wrong, we didn't want it to happen, but we went our separate ways. I apologize for my family and for the way they treated you. They were arrogant and were on a high pedestal. I was their eldest daughter, I was young, and I was not supposed to be with someone just like you. They judged you for your status. I never thought of you as such. I never cared that you were poor, that you had those vices, that you were in a public school. I loved you wholeheartedly, unconditionally. But I didn't have the chivalry to fight for you and for my feelings. I guess I was just too young.
After a few weeks, I saw you again. You were there, in the corner of the alley leading to our house. I was just on the way home from school, in our school service. We looked at each other and then you were out of my sight. I cried that night. My heart was broken, I wanted that moment, when we look at each other, to last. I wanted time to freeze. It didn't even last a minute. The following afternoon, you were there again. And the next day, and the next. Even when it was raining, you would stand there while holding an umbrella. Why did you do that? What did you get? A glimpse of me? Were you really that in love with me? I wake up everyday and wished that afternoon would come soon. You were the highlight of my day. But again, nothing really lasts. One day, you were not there. And the next day, and the next.
We didn't see each other for so long. I met other people, had a relationship with another guy. Three years passed until our love story will continue. I didn't forget you, even one bit. You were always the dearest one in my heart. I was glad that you wanted me still. I was glad we saw each other again that year. 2004. I guess my charm's just too damn powerful on you. You fell in love with me for the second time. And I did too.
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