"Human beings are such knotted, desperate pieces of work-it's a rare thing to know one completely, to the core, and still love him." - Dean Koontz
I was never into second chances or third chances. Once goodbye has been given, then forward I will move, without a glance at or a glimpse of the past. I was never into closures because as cliche as it sounds, actions really do speak louder than words. If I don't want something I used to like, then there's no need to explain. If I ignore you, then there's nothing to talk about anymore. You should know I hate being asked WHY. I always want everything planned, everything written down, and well thought of. I was always making lists-- things to do, gifts to give, budget, dreams to achieve, important events, and even characteristics I want in a guy. It always makes it easier to look at bullet points and see everything at a glance. I'm not going to brag about being able to follow my lists but well, I try. I always put my heart up to the challenge never to deviate from everything I've set up for myself, but well, there are quite a few exceptions. And well, in the love department, you are the only exception.
There we were again, trying to bridge the gap that was long created. Who would have thought there was anything left of the old flame. Who would have thought that you and I will fall in love a third time. I thought it was just a summer thing again. You know, we fall in love a few months and then lose touch and forget. I did not imagine for once that you were serious with me or that I was ready to love you irrevocably again. But destiny knew what it was doing. You asked me for another chance at love and I decided to give my heart to you again.
I used a sim card of your network just to save money with our communication. I was hesitant to give you sweet messages but you had the initiative and it helped me lose more of myself again. I wanted to see your face every second but I had to wait for you to come visit me at home. Good thing Mother was not strict anymore and that she welcomed you to our lives this time. Good thing she's addicted to playing cards, that way, we could talk and spend more time with each other. Good thing you were not shy anymore, we got to know more of each other. We talked about big and little things. We talked about our exes. We talked about our past, what you and I felt before, what really happened, and what each of us really wanted to happen. It felt good to finally know the person I have loved for the longest time. It felt good to finally feel this kind of happiness again: pure and genuine.
I have never felt this way with anyone else in my entire existence. I still remember the giddy feeling I had when I first saw you eight years ago. Your face still gives me this exhilaration. Your presence exalts my mind and heart. You make me love and love and love without end. I can't get over you and I think I never will. And when your lips first touched my cheek, I knew you were the one. I could not get myself to forget the feeling on my skin. I kept touching my cheek that night and I kept thinking I would not wash it. I was like a kid who was given a lollipop. I was like a bird who got to feel the wind on my wings the first time. It wasn't my first kiss but it deleted all the other memories like this was the first time that I'm falling in love. It was truly a different feeling I could not get enough of. I promised myself I wouldn't love anyone anymore. If this relationship won't work, I have nothing in me left to love someone else. That is it. No more other love stories to write. This is going to be the last.
We shared more stories and experiences. You wouldn't last a day without seeing me. I felt the same way. You really are addictive. You keep doing those simple things that make me crave for more. There was nothing grand but every moment was true joy. Do you remember the time you took me to the carnival again? You borrowed a vehicle from a neighbor and there you were, driving me to another barangay. We ate at someone's house then proceeded to enjoy at the carnival. You won from some game and treated me to the caterpillar ride. That was truly memorable. You make me so happy with just the simple things. I feel pure bliss with you. I did not want the night to end but Mother and Father were already texting me to go home. You brought me back and I was not able to close my eyes for a long time because I was scared that the memory will fade and that you'll be gone again.
Do you also remember the time we watched the movie "Caregiver"? Yeah, it was not the best movie to watch together but we had no choice. Anyway, I think you liked it because you were too immersed on it that I actually thought you forgot you were with me. I was waiting for you to hold my hand but the movie ended without any touch at all. Suffice to say, I was a bit disappointed. I asked you if you wanted to go out and you said no. So there we were, waiting for the movie to start again when I tried to hold your hand. I said mine were cold and I asked you to feel them. You obliged and then we were holding hands and watching the movie a second time. Sorry, I just could not wait any longer. It's been years. The movie ended after a few hours and you still did not want to go out. So again we held hands while watching the movie a third time. What were we thinking? Well, I was wishing the day will not come to an end. I did not want to go home. I did not want you to leave. I just wanted to stay with you. Always. For a long time. And I was thinking, well, more of wishing that this time, forever is possible for us.
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