I didn't know that we would be together again. I remembered all those times that you made me smile, that you made me laugh, that you made me cry. It was so unreal now. You were here again. And I didn't give a damn if they all hated you. Well, not you, but the picture they had of us being together. They focused on our incompatibility. They thought you had no right to be with me. I was the princess and you, the pauper. I never thought of us that way. They were always so harsh in their words and each insult they spew, was an arrow that darted through my heart. Nothing has changed. I love you. You love me. Our love was taboo. And yet, we tried. We really did. I am deeply sorry. Again.
We saw each other in a basketball game. I rarely roam around our town, I was a home buddy. My family was strict and they didn't want me and my sister displaying around the neighborhood. What arrogance. I hated it. I wanted a simple life. And I wanted you. I entered a shooting contest. Somebody asked me to, and there were going to be prizes. Money. It sounded good to someone who didn't have anything to do that morning. I was hesitant at first because the thought of shooting in front of a hundred unknown eyes was terrifying. Or simply put, too embarrassing. You knew me too well to understand that feeling. You were watching me the whole time.
We had our communication once more. A big thanks to mobile phones. We texted each other a lot and I had my big break when I invited you to go stroll. You immediately agreed though you said you didn't have the resources to go out. I volunteered mine and still, you did try to have your own. Thank you for always trying. It made me admire you more. I didn't know how to act in front of you. I didn't know that three years could change someone a lot. I didn't know that you have changed. And well, of course I did too.
You talked to me. Yes, you spoke to me first. That was new. I felt intimidated. I didn't know I was in for a surprise. You eventually went to the point of asking me if we could go back to the way it was before. Or at least, get back together and try again. I was hesitant. It was too soon. But I told you that we could. My heart was beating rapidly throughout the day. You were there, beside me. I didn't know feelings could last that long. It was like my heart pounded with every word you say. Love. That was the only thought in my mind. I love you still and I want you back. There was no closure before. I need to have you again. To love me. And to be loved by me. One more time.
It was 2004. We got back but I went away. I entered college in a university far away from home. I was in the city, and you stayed in the province. I thought we could handle this kind of long distance relationship. I still went home during the weekends anyway. But we rarely saw each other. You were in our little town, and I was in the big city, with so many new things to do, and new faces to meet. I am sorry. My feelings changed. I am sorry. I took you for granted. I am sorry. I really am.
There were guys who tried to court me from our little town. You knew about them. You knew them. You were friends with them. We were a secret. Taboo love was really hard, for you especially. I am sorry. This one guy fetched me from the jeepney station every Friday that I would go home. I didn't tell you because it wasn't something that would ruin our relationship, in my opinion. I was wrong. You surprised me one evening by waiting for me there. You saw him and you walked away. You didn't tell me that you were hurt, that you were pained, that I broke your heart that night. I was bad. Then you changed. I did too. Our love flew away.
I had this huge crush on a basketball varsity player in our university. Put into words, I was kind of obsessed. I thought of him everyday. I tried all ways just to see him everyday. I forgot about my feelings for you. Or a more apt description would be that my love for you was thrown into a hole, covered, waiting to be dug and released. Eventually our communication diminished. You were still trying to contact me every hour of the day but I wasn't interested anymore. I was too busy with my university life. I was too occupied with my new freedom. I was in the city. Alone with a wide array of opportunities and new experiences. I am sorry. I forgot you. We were going nowhere. You also did your part.
When you texted me that you wanted to break up because you have a new girl in your life, I didn't cry. I didn't feel sad. It felt right to just finish it off. You gave me an escape. But I didn't know that my love for you would surface again. I realized that I love you still and then the shock came. I didn't believe for even a second that you could love another, that you could leave me, that you could forget me. I cried myself to sleep. I wanted you to come back but I made no step to do something about our faltered relationship. I just prayed that you would love me again. Days passed and I knew it was over. We didn't talk, we didn't try to do anything. I guess you were happy with her, with that trash. Yes, she is that and nothing more.
I must admit I was arrogant. I was stuck up. But I had my reasons and you knew I was right. She was nothing compared to me. She was nothing to what I gave you, to my ways of loving you, and to my never ending support of you. I had my mistakes but you had more. I was full of angst and I lost a huge chunk of myself. I used to believe in fairy tales and happy endings, in true love and soul mates. You took that away from me. You were the only boy I've ever loved that way. When you broke my heart, you took away my belief in love.
I thought everything between us would be finished. Years passed again. We saw each other from time to time but we did nothing but look. Again, no words were enough to explain the love that would never cease, and the feelings that have been marred by time. It was still me you longed for. And it was still you I wanted. I do not know why. It felt weird to still think of you, to still dream of you, to still hope for you. I fell in love with you again. And you still had the same feelings for me. I didn't believe that such a strong bond could exist. It was 2008. And our love rose from the dead.
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